My skates hate me

Good news first! I got some extra money I wasn't expecting and was able to purchase some new skates. Skating is so much easier now and I don't get as frustrated, however I believe that my skates hate me. I feel that they are so confident in themselves that they scoff at the idea of a newb like me wearing them. They probably laugh about me behind my back and roll their eyes when I'm wearing them. Yes, my skates definetly hate me.

Yes, you know that we're in for a thrilling post when that's the first thing I start off with. I missed Thursday practice because  of a previous engagement. The previous engagement was a date with my boyfriend to see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2. It was a job related thing so yeah I would have felt horrible if I had told him that no I was going to go practice.

Today's practice was the first outdoor practice I was able to do stuff in. My friend and I always get to the practice early and we were talking with some of the other recruits. Meanwhile a lone guy was practicing lacrosse. I wasn't paying a lot of attention to it until all of the sudden  I feel the impact of the ball on my leg. Honestly I didn't even realize the ball was coming towards me until I felt it.

 It doesn't look like much, but believe me if hurt like a bitch. I was seating there and realized that it was going to suck if this was the only bruise I got today.

 I have to point out that it was my first time trying outdoor wheels. I had skated the night before with my new skates and done fine but with these outdoor wheels it felt like I was slipping every four seconds. I excused myself to change my wheels and came back and felt more comfortable after this.

More comfortable wasn't good enough. There's a LOT of skaters better than me. I'm at the bottom of the scale right now and I try pushing myself, and pushing but I know it's not going to be good enough. By missing the last session I missed on jumping, I missed on weaving in and out... and I am just horrible at skating. I was able to do some jumps... but not when the coach was watching. When the coach watched me I freaked out and fell. I also managed during a jump to smack myself in the nose with my own hand causing myself to bleed a little bit.

Except it's a she but you know...(http://fuckyeahrollerderbyotter.tumblr.com)

We were doing paces when I just broke down. I started crying as I tried to catch up with the others. I fake that I am confident very well but in reality due to personal events that I have been through I am not. I just fell all my insecurities float up... but I kept skating. I kept doing it. Even if I was far behind and even if during pyramids tears were flowing down my eyes as my mind tried to set up traps telling me that I can't do it. I was probably very slow...and I'm probably not going to make it into the league after this one recruitment.

When we started there were 35 of us now there's 15. Most of the girls have had skating experience (some of them have done derby before, are figure skaters, etc) so I am aware that I am at the bottom of the pile. However, I am not giving up. I will continue skating through tears in my eyes, and when it feels like my body is falling apart I will keep on going.

No one said it was going to be easy, I can't do crossovers, I can't lift my leg up and glide, my body seems to be terrified of the superman falls but it doesn't mean that I will never be able to do them. When I finally make it through I am going to be so proud of myself. Right now? At least I can derby stance like a motherfucker.


Also yes, that was my only bruise for the day. I am sure am a winner aren't I?